Day #12 Family/Relatives/Friends
"How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity!" ~Psalm 133:1
his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him.
Someone told him, 'Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.'
He replied to him, 'Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?' Pointing to his disciples, he said, 'Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.'" ~Matthew 12:46-50
Fourteen. My family growing up consisted of fourteen brothers and sisters. Was their unity?--Like most families, we showed the most unity of purpose at meal times: sit down and dig in. Otherwise, it was pretty much every person for themselves.
Living with people is challenging because most of the time our primary goal is looking out for our own interests first. I could give you my examples of times we were unified and times of discord, but it may be best to learn from the examples provided in God's Word. It can be especially freeing to contemplate Jesus' words recorded above from the book of Matthew. Jesus was not discounting his family altogether, but He was focusing on His spiritual purpose and at the same time, expanding our view of "family."
The story of David and Jonathan also reveals a love beyond typical family boundaries. It is recorded in the Old Testament; here are a couple of verses about their friendship.
"After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." ~I Samuel 18:1
"And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself."~ I Samuel 18:3
When Kevin and I had pre-marital counseling, we faced various family issues; the pastor wisely gave us some very freeing words: "It seems you have a view of a 'white-picket fence family,' and you need to let that go." Expectations--I was expecting everything to fit this image I had in my mind of "normal" or "typical," and that was not going to happen, so what's next? Keep fighting to make reality fit my expectation or shift my expectation? Freeing myself of a supposed "normal" allowed me to move forward. It was freeing, and I have continued to hold on to those words in the decades since.
The Bible is full of stories of relationships that were possibly different than what we have come to expect or what we may view as "normal." Another portion of the Jonathan story is the fact that he was willing to side with and protect David against Saul, his own father. The Bible records many unique family challenges. Sibling rivalry and favoritism: read about Joseph and his brothers. Interested in reading about a different type of mother-in-law story: Ruth. Esther's upbringing wasn't "normal." Finally, another unique "family" was created by Jesus when he said, "Follow me."
In reality, it doesn't always happen, but "How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity!"
Our routine:
Assessment: What is the current condition of my relationship with family members and relatives? Who are the friends that we surround ourselves with?
What is the purpose of this relationship?
What is the state of this relationship? What is going well? What isn’t?
What changes need to be made to this relationship?
Adjustment: What is our current relationship with which we spend the most time? Are those relationships strengthening one or more of us? Have we become stagnant in our relationships?
Proverbs 17:17
and a brother is born for a time of adversity."
Proverbs 19:11
it is to one's glory to overlook an offense."
These two verses somewhat set the bar. First, we all would like to have friends who love us at all times and that our family members are there through the tough times. Secondly, we have been offended by someone, and hopefully our wisdom yielded patience and, depending on the situation, we have overlooked the offense.
The reality is that not all friends love at all times and not all family members are there in a time of adversity. Furthermore, while we may be wise and patient and overlook an offense, the offenses keep coming. We are sinful beings who live in a sinful world.
Proverbs 27:17
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."
I Corinthians 15:33
"Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'"
God offers us the Holy Spirit to guide us; the Bible also offers guidance to us. In addition to this, God puts people in our lives for seasons and for specific reasons. Those people may be with us to help shape or curb a behavior, as God works to prune our lives. Other people may try to lead us astray. It is our responsibility to be so in sync with God that we are able to discern the difference.
Matthew 16:21-23
Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. 'Never, Lord!' he said. 'This shall never happen to you!'
Jesus turned and said to Peter, 'Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.'"
Lessons from this interaction:
- Jesus shared the reality of his last days with those close to him.
- The battle of his last days would be with many of the religious leaders.
- Much like Jonathan protecting David from Saul, Peter wants to step up to defend Jesus.
- Jesus said, "Get behind me, Satan!" Jesus goes on to say that Peter is a stumbling block.
- Finally, Jesus rights--or realigns--Peter's focus. We need to be willing to put aside our humans concerns for the concerns of God.
Prayer:
Almighty God, we thank You for our family, relatives, and our friends. We thank You for the blessing that they are, and we ask that You guide us to the people who will strengthen us in following You. Guide us, Holy Spirit, in our interactions with people, and help us to forgive offenses. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." ~Romans 12:18
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