Day #10 Spouse/Significant Other
and with all your soul and with all your mind.
This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.'" ~Matthew 22:37-39
We are almost half way through our Spiritual Shift, and we haven't addressed much of what we deal with on a daily basis. We have put our focus internally. Why? Because if we are not grounded in the words above--loving God and loving ourselves, we struggle to give love to others. When we love and value our Maker, and we love and value ourselves as beings who were created by a loving God, we will more readily love and value others.
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.'" ~I Peter 4:8
A couple's wedding day may be filled with flowers, laughter, and joy, but I think it is safe to say that the mood can quickly shift from blissful romance to day-to-day reality. We are going to face problems, and life is hard.
One of the realities my husband and I had to face quickly stemmed from a few simple words: "I'm fine."--"Fine."
"Is everything okay?"--"I'm FINE."
I think we all know I was not fine. What did I expect to solve by spitting out that phrase? Even now, I don't have an answer. I know this, it certainly starts a hamster-wheel of chaos in our spouse's mind as one desperately seeks to replay a moment when something went awry. Can we agree not to play this mental game with each other?
Another problem that exists in marriages is when no words are used at all.
We are all aware--or have experienced--the temperature in a room dropping to Arctic levels due to one's icy glare and the frigid level of a sudden silent treatment. Let us treat each other better; let us show love to each other.
Our routine:
Assessment: What is the current condition of my relationship with my spouse or significant other?
What is the purpose of this relationship?
What is the state of this relationship? What is going well? What isn’t?
What changes need to be made to this relationship?
Adjustment: What is our current relationship with our spouse or significant other? Does it seem like we are often disappointing, or being disappointed by, each other? What can be done so that there is more peace and harmony in our lives?
Matthew 19:4-6
"'Haven't you read,' he [Jesus] replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.'"
Philippians 2:3-4
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
Joshua 24:14, 15, 23
"Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
When the people declared that they did, indeed, desire to serve the LORD. Joshua went on to give them this command:
"'Now then,' said Joshua, 'throw away the foreign gods that are among you and yield your hearts to the LORD, the God of Israel.'"
These verses from the Old Testament may be slightly confusing to us today. The first part is clear and straight-forward. We need to decide what we as a couple believe: Are we committed as a couple to serve Almighty God?
Much like a college roommate agreement, premarital counseling typically attempts to guide a couple through some of the tough decisions that need to made when two independent individuals commit to a life together. Hopefully, we are able to declare the words Joshua used, "But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
Now, to the second part of the verses, "Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped...throw away foreign gods." Umm--what are we talking about? Today, we don't address this concept enough. While in those times people literally worshiped false gods, today we do as well. Our false gods are different; our false gods can be our hobbies, our work, our children even. We will be addressing some of this later in week three, but for now, can we commit to the core of the verse? Can we examine our lives to see if we have anything that might be considered false gods or idols in our lives?
Are we as a couple committed to serve Almighty God together? If not, we need to prayerfully address this together. If so, the next verses could guide us to deeper love for each other and even for those outside our marriage. The section is titled, "Love in Action."
Romans 12:9-18
- "Love must be sincere.
- Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
- Be devoted to one another in love.
- Honor one another above yourselves.
- Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
- Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
- Share with the Lord's people who are in need.
- Practice hospitality.
- Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
- Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
- Live in harmony with one another.
- Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
- Do not repay anyone evil for evil.
- Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
- If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
What powerful challenges that put love in action in our lives and in our marriages! Each of these imperatives help lead to deeper relationships. These directives ask us to have spiritual fervor, to be joyful, to be patient and faithful; they remind us "to do what is right" even when it is difficult. Putting love in action is what God is asking of us when he commands us to love God and love others. As a couple who is committed to loving and serving the Lord, we must put that faith into action.
Prayer:
Almighty God, Thank You for giving us each other. Please bless marriages. Provide unity of purpose and love for You into our marriages. With the Holy Spirit's guidance, help us to put love in action. Guide us to putting our focus on You, and let us put aside those things that have become idols in our lives. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." ~Romans 12:18
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